so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
