Where are you?
In a non slutty way
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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