you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
