I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
