just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
