You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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