hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
