I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
