My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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