Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
