this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
