In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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