I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
