One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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