Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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