Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
