I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
