Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
