I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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