Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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