i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
