dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
