How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
