I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
