This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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