I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
