What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
