i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
