Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i drank out of a bidet.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
