Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
