If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
