Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
