Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
