Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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