Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
