Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
