i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
