I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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