dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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