the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
