it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
