It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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