The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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