Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
