Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
PANTIES FOUND
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