He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
