i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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