Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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