Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
