you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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