I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
