i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
