We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Randomize
