Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i came on her dog
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I touched a dick in church today
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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